Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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