My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
