Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it's like iHOP with fire
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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