he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
