Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
