I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
