Pants 0. Shit 1.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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