Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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