I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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