I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
