wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We left the knife in your bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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