that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize