i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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