there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
