I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
