When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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