i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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