the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
