I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
