Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
