She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize