can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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