Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
