Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
