when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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