According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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