Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
