Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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