I wish I could punch you in the face.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
