I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
