your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
