it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
