girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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