It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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