he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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