so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
