Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
