Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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