i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
