I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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