Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize