so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
