Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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