Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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