please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
