Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
