i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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