Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
