i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
