the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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