what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
