everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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