I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
