he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
