I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
