if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
