piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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