so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
