There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
