Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
