When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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