I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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