My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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