my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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