Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
