You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
